You said I began
This messy state of love affair
And I drink too much and smoke too fast
And this city’s cleared my innocence

Coffee is pouring out my ears
It’s the only thing they have in here
And my heart stops beating

And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating
And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating

Number tree still on my plate
I heard the trains are running late
And I laugh out loud
My life is a mess
I have gone too far
In my lifelessness

Another coffee it’s on the house
The poor girl look is on the owners spouse
And my heart stopped beating

And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating
And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating

Outside your house
To make a scene
In my head you grabbed me passionately
But the lights are out
And in an hour I walked on home
In the pouring shower
Lost my keys in front of me
My neighbor’s smile he’s handing me
The blackest coffee you will ever see

And my hearts stopped beating

And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating
And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there’s always cups in the sink?
What if I’m not what you think I am?

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well what if I do?

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glassess and
I am giving up on greener grasses.
I am giving up.

.
.

I am giving up for you.
I am giving up for you.
I am giving up.

I wish you bluebirds in the spring

To give your heart a song to sing

And then a kiss, but more than this

I wish you love

And in July a lemonade

To cool you in some leafy glade

I wish you health

And more than wealth

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love.

Hold me, don’t ever leave me
Know me, never believe me
Stay here but don’t get too near me
Leave me, leave me alone
But don’t ever let me go

Show me, but don’t ever teach me
Touch me, don’t try to reach me
Hold me but don’t ever keep me
Baby, don’t ever let me in

And don’t let me win

’cause i leave myself to you
Yes, i release myself with you
I believe in me and you
So don’t ever say you do

Love me, try not to need me
Need me but don’t let the greed in
Feel free but don’t ever leave me
Give in, don’t ever let me
No, don’t ever let me win

Hold me, don’t ever leave me
Ask me but don’t ever make me
Save me, don’t ever forsake me
Call me but don’t ever say my name

Know what you do

’cause i leave myself to you
Yes i release myself with you
I believe in me and you
So don’t ever say you do

Don’t let me win
Just hold me

And you say “nina nina ninana….”

Now how can i let you go?

Hold me, don’t ever leave me
Love me but don’t ever let me
No, don’t ever let me win

Hold Me – The Cardigans

“Be of love (a little) more careful than of anything.”  [E.E.Cummings]

and i’d say a lot.. not little..

we’ll give you your last antibiotic drip at 4.30, and then you can go home. will there be anybody picking you up?
no
no
so you will be going home alone?
yes
hehe, d’oh

——————

okay, once this is finished, we’ll discharge you. is there anybody coming to pick you up?
no
why do these people keep on asking the same question?
…
…
what’s with the face?
…
…
what?
…
…
oh, come on.. *skim*skim* ..certificate.. *skim*skim* ..bla bla.. *skim*skim* ..march 2008! See, you’ve worked for more than a year here, you must’ve seen LOTS of people going home from the hospital by themselves rite?

——————

okay we’ll discharge you now. this is the summary of your treatment, this is your prescription, and this is your mc. is there anybody outside picking you up?
no
gosh, what is the matter with all of these people? i don’t need anybody picking me up, i’m perfectly fine, see, i can get up by myself..oooww..my head.. gosh, it must be because i was sleeping all the time.. it’ll go away in no time.. now, if you’ll excuse me, i’ll get my bag and..what..the..hell..is inside this bag??aww my back..shoot,i know i should’ve taken those painkillers.. anyways.. see you later..

——————

hi, you’ve signed the medicare right? so there’s no need for any payment right now.
okay thanks
okay thanks
…
…
yes?
are you going by yourself?
yes
what is the matterr??? i mean, it’s not like i don’t have anyone, as a matter of fact, I told my family and friends not to come. besides, this is singapore, it’s like, hello? people are faaaarr too busy to take care of others, except of course for that auntie in the front bed who seemed to have visitors all the time, and that grandma in bed 10, but he’s a grandma, surely people will come, she might as well be dead anytime soon (*knock2 on wood), and this girl in bed 5, but that’s her boyfriend i supposed, so it’s only natural that he came.. so, there! see, there is this uncle in bed 6, and..and..and i’m sure there are a lot more in the other row, like bed 1 or bed 2..i think i saw some patients there..i think..
are you sure you’re okay to go alone?
yes, of course
shut up
okay then, have a good rest.
thanks
whatever

——————

gosh i hate hospital

i miss u

“you know that i could use somebody,
you know that i could use somebody,
someone like you,
and all you know,
and how you speak“
_{[kings of leon]}

This is the last time
That I will say these words
I remember the first time
The first of many lies
Sweep it into the corner
Or hide it under the bed
Say these things they go away

But they never do
Something I wasn’t sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I’ve seen too little of

The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything alright
You fall on me for anything you like
And I no I don’t mind

This is the last time
That I will show my face
One last tender lie
And then I’m out of this place
So tread it into the carpet
Or hide it under the stairs
Say that some things never die
Well I tried and I tried

Something I wasn’t sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I’ve seen too little of

The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything alright
You fall on me for anything you like
And I no I don’t mind

The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything alright
You fall on me for anything you like
And I know I don’t mind

_[keane]

no, i will not write about the interesting places u can find in singapore (or the lack of them for that matter :p). tapi yang mau dibahas adalah, kejutekan orang2 di singapur. sebenernya gw agak tidak setuju dengan penyamarataan semacam ini, karena teman2 singaporean gw super baik, rendah hati, dan berbudi pekerti luhur. but it’s not just me. dari semua orang yang datang berkunjung kesini, kesan pertama mereka bukan

“wah, singapur bersih ya”

atau

“wah, orang2nya disiplin ya, ga nyebrang sembarangan”

atau

“wah, ada mrt”

tapi, yang keluar adalah

“ih, jutek2 banget sih orang singapur” (atau semacamnya, tapi intinya sama)

tapi memang sih, agak jarang bisa menemukan keramahan asia di sini. kan katanya orang2 asia ramah2 kan, ato indonesia ya itu. anyways, bukannya di indonesia semua ramah juga, ada jg yg jutek, banyak bahkan, kadang jutek banget minta dijitakin kepalanya. tapi disini, sejauh ini kebanyakan semuanya minta dijitakin. haha. no offense yah kalo ada orang singapur yg baca (mungkin orang2 ini bukan singaporean, just some foreign workers like moi).

ada beberapa insiden kejutekan yg pernah gw alami disini, tapi karena kelamaan, jadi uda lupa, cuma inget beberapa, here are some:

hari pertama sampe sini, uda dimarahin sama supir yg jmpt, gara2 keluar paling akhir. haha. ga ada deh pelanggan adalah raja. DIA adalah raja, siapapun dia.

terus pernah lagi pesen taksi dimarahin karena salah nunggu. “biasanya saya kalo jemput orang2nya nunggu sini”. yea rite, kaya gw suka perhatiin lu kalo lagi jmpt orang.

suatu hari, dengan senyum yang ramah sambil nahan pipis, nanya baik2 kamar mandi dimana, daaann, ga dijawab. cuma tunjuk pake tangan, daaann, nunjuknya bukan ke arah kamar mandinya, tapi ke arah papan penunjuk arah kamar mandi. ya okay, maaf deh gw ga liat papannya, namanya juga lagi panik nahan pipis.

terus di lift, kebetulan karena berdiri deket pencetan, pas ada yg masuk gw tanya dong mau ke lantai berapa. sambil senyum ni, uda ky petugas lift. eh buset, dijawabnya jutek bgt “6thx” ga pake senyum. ya, at least pake terima kasih. mungkin lagi sakit gigi, gabisa ramah2. dimaafkan.

itu ga seberapa sih tapi, yg lebih heboh lagi miri kayanya. sampe pernah diancam dilaporin ke kedutaan supaya dideportasi cuma gara2 cancel appoinment, haha. uda gila kali ya.

The storm is coming but i don’t mind.
People are dying, i close my blinds.

All that i know is i’m breathing now.

I want to change the world…instead i sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that i know is i’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that i know is i’m breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

[Ingrid Michaelson]